Borrowed Breath

Many years ago, there lived a devout man who was convinced that the best way to draw closer to God was to separate himself from others. And so he became a monk. He took his quest for solitude so seriously that he even separated himself from other monks. Time passed, and he was able to draw close to God. But he missed the presence of others. He saw this as a sign of weakness stemming from fleshly desires, and he endeavored all the more to avoid the company of his fellow man.

The other monks often sent him correspondence requesting he break from his life’s mission and join them of their pursuit of God in community. They explained how interacting with each other actually propelled them closer to God as they drew closer together. But he was convinced that his mission was given to him directly from God, and that it was purer than theirs. So he stubbornly continued his isolation and seclusion.

One morning, he became convinced that God told him to jump into a deep, dry well to wait for him. So he leapt, sustaining serious injuries upon his landing. He was sure God would arrive and save him from death. Days passed, and he remained at the bottom of the well. His faith was strong, however, and he steadfastly awaited his salvation.

Finally, when he was so weak that he could barely stay conscious, he heard a voice at the top of the well call his name. He looked up, and instead of God, he saw the faces of his fellow monks peering down at him. They lowered a rope and told him to hold onto it so they could pull him up. But he was too weak to even grip the rope. So another monk lowered himself into the well. He tied his nearly-dead friend to his chest and grabbed the rope. The other monks slowly and laboriously pulled them both to safety.

As the rescued man lay on a bed recovering, the others tried to convince him that it was not the voice of God telling him to jump to the bottom of the well. But he stubbornly held fast to his conviction that it was God indeed who gave him these instructions.

The others, frustrated at his obstinacy, began to leave his room. But he weakly called for them to stop.

He slowly propped himself up and softly said, “I am sure it was the voice of God. But it was to show me that I was wrong all these years separating myself from you. I think God wanted to show me how much we need each other.”

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This story is an adaption of the story of John Cassian’s account recorded in “Conferences” of a hermit named Hero.  In the historical story, Hero actually dies in the end after he is pulled from the well. And he holds firm to his conviction that he was right all those years and that God told him to go into the well. He dies a stubborn, proud man.

I changed the ending for several reasons. First, in my version the monk recovers. I believe this stems from my delusion that all stories should have happy endings. For this, I make no excuse or apology. And I also changed the monk’s conclusion at the end of the story because I firmly believe that we need each other. And sometimes God uses heartache and pain to make this truth clear.