Borrowed Breath

A few years ago, some friends of mine wrote a song entitled “Break Me Down.” The opening lines are:
“Don’t make me strong, I want to be weak.
God break the heart that beats in me.”

I realized recently that I cannot sing these lyrics with a pure heart. Were the words to reflect my inner emotions, the song would start out, “Don’t make we weak. I want to be strong.”

I do not want to be weak. And I don’t want you to know how weak I am. I would rather you did not know just how much I need Jesus. But the truth is I really, really, really, really, really need Jesus…really, really…

Instead I want you to think that I have it together, or at least am getting it together. I want to create a façade which portrays a having-it-togetherness. But the truth is that I am a weak, fallible man.

Most of us know the following lyrics from the hymn “Come Thou Fount”
“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it.
Prone to leave the God I love.”

Why is it that these words ring true to so many Christians? One has to think that Robert Robinson, the author of that hymn, hesitated before penning these words. But he swallowed his pride, told the truth, and countless followers of Jesus have been encouraged by his honesty.

I don’t want you to know that I am prone to abuse the love and grace of God. I want you to believe that my gratitude translates into a life of joyous obedience. But it doesn’t. I’m messed up and weak. I need Jesus more today than I did yesterday.

One of the things that has been an immense blessing to me over the years is having accountability partners, brothers in Christ who know the deepest, darkest secrets about my fallibility, and who still love me and encourage me in growth. But I realized recently that I don’t even want them to know just how weak I am. Part of me wants them to think that I have it all together. 

When the apostle Paul asked the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh, our God’s response was “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect is weakness.”
To which Paul replied, “Huh?”
No he didn’t. Instead, Paul actually said, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (II Corin. 12.9-10 TNIV).

Glorying in my weakness is not excusing sin. Paul addresses this elsewhere. (see Romans 6.1) But it is not hiding it either.

The gospel is for people who really, really need Jesus. It is not for people who have it together or are getting it together. It is for the messed-up misfits. And so for a local body of believers to be true to this gospel, we must know, in our core, just how much we need Jesus.

I don’t want to be weak. But I am.
I need Jesus. And I need you.